The Great Brain Robbery

Atty G. Kreep reveals plot to make Obama president

Last week ABC premiered a new one hour sci-fi drama series called Fast Forward. The premise involves a mysterious worldwide 2 minute 17 second long blackout. People driving automobiles, flying in airplanes, or undergoing shock therapy to remove all traces of Glenn Beck shows from their neural circuitry, die. The survivors awake with the ability to see their individual futures exactly 6 months in the future.

Unlike Lost’s make it up as you go story arc, Fast Forward‘s producers promise that what happened during that missing moment of time will be explained. We’ll see. But I have my own theory: the story is based on an actual occurrence and that we are now watching its effects play out in real time.

How else to explain the video above, described by TPM as follows:

A new birther infomercial running on a CBS affiliate in Texas and elsewhere around the country tells viewers a “got a birth certificate?” bumper sticker can be theirs for the low price of $30.

The 28-minute program — quite possibly the first ever birthermercial — features community access production values, heavy use of foreboding strings soundtrack, and standard-issue Birther ideology.

For a $30 contribution, viewers also get a fax sent in their name to the 50 state attorneys general and Attorney General Eric Holder demanding that President Obama produce his real birth certificate.

What G Kreep (his real name) doesn’t know is that making President Obama president wasn’t a plot by the vastly liberal, cowardly media, but a plot by a vastly evil race of extraterrestrials from the planet Yeswe-Kanya who, after rendering a whole floor of the Hawaii state government office of records unconscious, planted a phony Hawaiian birth certificate; AND did the same thing at the two major Hawaiian newspapers that “announced” the birth.

*Don’t miss Live Prayer‘s upcoming exciting expose: Death Panels: Making Soylent Green Factories Real.

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And then there’s this devastating revelation about proposed health care reform from Scourge of ACORN, Rep. Todd Tiahrt (Rethug-KAN), who is running for the US Senate seat being vacated by Sen. Sam Brownback.:

“They’re gonna set up a committee to determine what every doctor in America will make. They will set that fee, every doctor will make the same.”

(The laughter you hear in the background could be a sign that the effects of the alien programming has worn off; or it could be the result of nitrous oxide pumped into the room as part of a previously scheduled Yes Men prank.)

It’s moments like these that I recall Sir Arthur Eddington‘s observation that:

Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine.