The Blind Leading The Blind

Nameless despair is man’s only reward for living and toiling under the temporal sun of mortal existence. Am I right?

The Central Scrrrrewwwwwwwwwwtinizer

For my money, or the lack thereof, no Zappa character says Zappa to me like “The Central Scrutinizer,” the narrator on Joe’s Garage (November, 1979). It’s Zappa in snarky hyperbolic perfection, introducing himself as the enforcer of laws that haven’t been passed yet, and the messenger of the dangers of that horrible force called MUSIC. . .

WARSHED IN THE G-DAM BLOOD OF THE CANOLA VIRUSS

Don’t be let nobody stop y’all from goin’ tah Church! 

Why I Am No Longer Atheist.

My days as an atheist started in Đà Nẵng Harbor on my 21st birthday.  I was in what the Navy considered a war zone, and was clearly feeling reckless. It was as good a time as any to stop believing in a benevolent infinite being watching my every move from outer space.

TRUMP FORECAST NOW THREATENS ENTIRE NATION

Trump’s Trump Forecast?? It now appears the president is forecasting his own volatile and out-of-control rage on the entire nation.

What A Cool Extraterrestrial Alien Would Actually Say If One Made Contact With Us

SINCE EARTHLINGS LACK the means of expedient intergalactic travel, formal contact with extraterrestrial alien life from other worlds will necessarily be their choice. This implies they really have a reason for contacting us, since they could have made contact whenever they wanted. Maybe.

You Poor Bastard.

I first read The Catcher in the Rye in 1961.  It was nothing I had to do, I think some girl I wanted to go out with told me to read a goddam book once in awhile if I didn’t want to turn into a poor dumb bastard.  So I read one. 
It made me want to write.

Riding Easy, Riding Forever.

“You know I smoked a lotta grass. Oh Lord!  I popped a lot of pills. But I never touched nothin’ that my spirit could kill.”  — Easy Rider

HOW DID HUMAN BEINGS GET HERE?

The appearance of mortal beings of “will dignity” is never an accident, anywhere in the entire universe.

IS THERE LIFE AFTER DEATH?

“What magic could death hold— the natural dissolution of the material body— that such a simple step should instantly transform the mortal and material mind into an immortal and perfected spirit? Such beliefs are but ignorant superstitions and pleasing fables.”

Reincarnation: I Wanted To Come Back As A King, But. . .

If you are really going to get stuck in an endless round of successive incarnations as man or woman, some kind of beast, or a weed, you might as well come back as a nice Sativa-Indica hybrid, right?

Forgive Me If I Speak Bluntly.

Forgive Me If I Speak Bluntly.  Life has a way of making life-changing decisions manifest out of the most unlikely circumstances. Just such a circumstance is at hand. What you make of it is entirely up to you.

National INQUISITOR: 500 CRIMES & 5,000 LIES

Nature abhors a vacuum, so there’s a new shit rag in town, the National INQUISITOR©.

THE SWAMP THING

WASHINGTON D.C. —  Like many things emanating out of Washington, the notion that the town was originally “built on a swamp” isn’t based on fact, or truth.  That does not prevent the rapacious liars now infesting it from eschewing all fact and truth from their daily defamations.

SATAN SPOTTED ON CAPITAL HILL AGAIN

In a rare moment of demonic candor, characteristically angry and frustrated Christian icon, Satan, lashed out at a Fox news crew on Capital Hill today…

21st Century Summer Reading

  We’re taking a summer break because, well, it’s already global warming summer. We’ll be back when we’re tired of sweating poolside. In the meantime, you really need to get ahead of the unfolding Trump Catastrophe;  but first things first:  We recommend you stop procrastinating about your spiritual progress and read The Urantia Book while you’re still alive on Urantia. …

The Crucifixion Of Jesus Christ

Then Pilate led forth the bleeding and lacerated prisoner, clothed in a old purple royal robe with a crown of thorns piercing his brow and, presenting him before the multitude, said: “Behold the man!

The Saving Hand Of Jesus

It’s always good day to accept the saving hand of Jesus.
You know; eternal life.

THE IDIOT BASTARD SON

    The idiot bastard son: (THE FATHER’S A NAZI IN CONGRESS TODAY . . . THE MOTHER’S A HOOKER SOMEWHERE IN L.A.)   The idiot bastard son: (ABANDONED TO PERISH IN BACK OF A CAR . . . KENNY WILL STASH HIM AWAY IN A JAR) THE IDIOT BOY!   • • •   Kenny will feed him & …

IT’S QUIVERING TIME

December 3rd marks my discovery of The Urantia Book 45 years ago.  I still take a chunk of the day to reflect on what has happened in my life, since that momentous discovery. 

FSociety: The Feral Dog Sweats

“MAGOT” MAGAzine— an acronym for “Make America Get Over Trump”—  (good luck with that, fellow optimists), is our latest, and tiny hands down, most traumatic find to date.

The President’s Cup Runneth Over

President and fulltime game show host, Donald J. TRump, was spotted while not tweeting on Sunday as he prepared to award some losers in striped shirts, The President’s Cup trophy— a nasty looking gold-plated spitoon-like thing, nearly big enough to fit on TRump’s head.

#MAGA MAGAzine

    I’m not always comfortable explaining how I happen upon some of the weird magazines I review, and this one is no exception. I will only say I was forced by circumstance to spend a few days in Mike Pence’s hometown, where I found a copy of MAGA MAGAzine; (I see what you did there).  But this version of “MAGA” is …

SEVEN THINGS You’re Actually Dying to Know

You only think you’re free.

The GOP Nothing Burger. . .

In the movie Pulp Fiction, Samuel L. Jackson takes a bite out of Brett’s tasty Big Kahuna burger, and washes it down with Brett’s tasty beverage. It’s just a little scary pretext for the brutal destruction that is moments away.

HOUSE OF TURDS

Murderous rat and fictional television President,
Francis Underwood, exists in a world of make-believe, fake news, and lies. Or does he.

One Way Or Another, Trump Has Lost His Mind

  So.  Your Pussy Grabber Commander-in-Cheeze has tweeted about how hard it was for his children (especially Barron), to see what he thought was his absentee father’s severed head— being held up by that stuff he calls hair— by a comedian who placed 17th on the Oxygen Pollution Channel’s 2017 list of “The 50 Funniest Women Alive Who Believe In Free Speech.”  That’s right:  Barron and Melania were …

Thank God it’s Friday.

Unless, of course, you don’t believe in God. In that case, thank the total chance existence of a great sequencer of an apparently infinite number of sequential moments of reality that, lucky for us, somehow attaches to— and brings forth out of nothing?— the individual consciousness of billions of sentient beings on this planet, and no doubt many trillions more …

A Friday Message From Your Emperor

Hello American people, as I begin my very important first trip to another great hemisphere, I want to tell you that I will be thinking and working for you while I’m busy doing other things, believe me.

CRAPPY MAKEUP • TINY DIGITS • EVIL MINDS

  HOMS, SYRIA — Across America there are still many thousands of imbecilic children of voting age who actually believe Donald J. Trump when he claims video of Syrian children being gassed really changed him.  This, from a person who publicly stated his disgust over a mother being excused from a courtroom to pump breast milk to nurse her baby. But babies …

Nobody Does It Better Than Trump

The list of Trump claims above is not simply campaign braggadocio;  nor is it just a collection of obvious lies; it is an alarming indictment of his mental health, every claim more ridiculous and false than the last. Nobody knew how deeply troubled Trump really was until he ran for office. Nobody knew how quickly he could tell one lie after another, …

LIAR Chooses Conway Over Trump

Someone remembered that Kellyanne Conway, counselor to the #FakePresident, lies just as much but a lot more cleverly than her cheeto daddy does.

T-RUMP WRECKS MAR a LAGO, NATION NEXT

TYRANTOSAURUS RUMP— the latest moniker to slur your flailing so-called president, is not just a riff on the old fart’s rage-aholicism, or his stumpy digits.

Donald in Dunderland

Donald Trump is dangerously mentally ill and temperamentally incapable of being president. He has “malignant narcissism”— which is incurable.

Forget Alternative Facts; Deal With The Alternative Universe

No, NASA did not invent thunderstorms to cover up the sound of space battles. That’s some shit from the alternative universe.

Top 5 Reasons Why You And The Dude Should Read The Urantia Book

So dude— how’re those New Year’s Resolutions working out for you. . . Still weigh the same? (Me too.) Still self-medicating too much? (Yeah.) Still not exercising (bowling is not exercise) every day? (Me either.) Maybe you should just read a great book instead. A real l l l l ly great book.

McConnell Is Baaaaack… And It’s Your Fault.

Mitch McConnell’s strategy of blaming everything that’s wrong in the world on Barack Obama has been wildly effective.

Insane Repugs We Have Known, UPDATE: The more things change, the more they are exactly the f*cking same

Here in no particular order, are some of our all-time favorite Insane Repugs, depicted in our favorite way:

Hearing Martin

Martin Luther King Jr. emerged from the crucible of his times speaking with the timeless voice of eternal truth— and he spoke it fearlessly.

How Much Is Never Enough?

This svelte young swine and multi-billionaire knows something that you and Bernie Sanders do not: That way too much is never enough.

Pirate Cap’n Rupert Sets Course For Hell

If you are earning more than a million dollars a year and are complaining about a 3.6% tax increase, then you are by definition, a greedy asshole…

JESUS RETURNS

The extraordinary event began unfolding at approximately 9 AM EST at the Bainbridge House Ballroom when a man…strode to the podium and exclaimed, “Peace be upon you. I am the person you know as Jesus of Nazareth.”

Fourth-Degree Burns Not Torture

WASHINGTON D.C. — An apparently tough as nails Sean Hannity of Fox News has personally undergone what he called a “fair and balanced interrogation technique” to prove a point: fourth-degree burns are not torture.

Life On The World Of The Cross

The soft light of the instrument panel shone off the large eyes of navigator Dorac. He placed the ship into low orbit, approximately over Washington, DC. Pilot Nandon, pressed a series of actions into the ship. The first was her announcement to the entire host: My friends, we are orbiting the World of the Cross; the tarnished shrine of our beloved Creator Son whom the natives put to death. We are now over the capital city of the federation of states known as the United States of America.

JESUS. IS. DEAD.

He trusted in God to deliver him. He even claimed to be the Son of God— look at him now— crucified between two thieves.

We Don’t Need A New Theory Of EVERYTHING

Though things have indeed changed since this video was produced, it still makes the infinitesimally tiny point!   “Luminous beings are we; not this crude matter.” —Yoda, Star Wars, Jedi Knight   We don’t need a “Theory of Everything.” We need a new Universal Cosmology. Overly ambitious?  Of course.  If for no other reason than the simple fact that truth …