August WINGNUT

I was reading the article excerpted below by RJ Eskow over at the HufnPuf when I heard a knock at the door;  it was my postman, with his hand out for $1.25 postage due on my August issue of WINGNUT Magazine.  Those cheap swine won’t even pay the postage to mail their own rag.  But then, times are weird. Check this out:

R J Eskow

The United States Chamber of Commerce has released an “open letter” to the President, Congress, and the American people which contains its blueprint for our political future. It lays out the current Republican playbook in stark terms, and it reads like the battle plan for those alien spaceships from Independence Day: Drain the resources, take everything from the population, strip the land to a husk… and then presumably sail away in mile-long spaceships toward the next targeted planet.

What we’re seeing is the Politics of Plunder, revealed in all its nakedness. There will be another example of this corporate-driven mindset this week, possibly even today, when all but a handful of Republican Senators vote against a moderate set of curbs on Wall Street excesses. The Democratic Party may disappoint its supporters from time to time, but it seems that Republicans never do — once you accept the fact that its real “supporters” are the mega-businesses represented by the Chamber of Commerce. Some of the delegates who chanted “Drill, Baby, Drill” at the GOP Convention are staring out their windows at oil-soaked beaches, while others have gone broke in an economy ruined by Wall Street gambling.  That won’t stop the Politics of Plunder. (Come to think of it, “Drill, Baby, Drill” would have been a perfect motto for those spaceships.)

Of course I was shocked when I saw “Drill Baby Drill” photoshopped on the bottom of spaceships on the cover of WINGNUT.  Yeah I know; what a coinkeydink, huh. Well WINGNUT is saying Palin hooked up with some illegal aliens who made her an offer she couldn’t refuse: the presidency in 2012 for oil.  All of it.

Hey— this is WINGNUT Magazine— what did you expect?  Sanity?  Come on. Turns out putting “Drill Baby Drill” on the bottom of 100 million alien space tankers was Sarah’s idea of “firin’ up the base,” and part of the double-seckrit deal she made with some creep named “TBAQ” from somewhere in the recently discovered Breitfart Cluster.

You might think this news lets the Redickutards off the “Politics of Plunder” hook that RJ was talking about; that the real “corporate Overlords” are now TBAQ and the Aliens.  No fucking way.  TBAQ told Palin the majority of elected Redicks are their unwitting pawns in their planet plundering predations, and that they invariably find such backward groups on all the evolutionary planets they plunder.

Palin has been tweeting crazy shit like this:

If you want somthin done ya hafta do it
yourself so I have solved our energy problems
by recruiting Space Aliens to safely Drill Baby Drill!

USA is ready for another revolution, & you are a
part of this—T-Party will bring us energy independunce.
Hope-y Change-y you can believe in!

The T-Pastry will make me your leader
in 2012, and together with our Space
Brothers & Sisters we will also take our
wondurful cuontry back!!!!

And now we know why:  She’s sold us down the river to illegal space alien planet predators— a space race gone rogue— who wander through the stars plunderin’ planets.  And once these intergalactic pirates suck our world dry for us, they’ll take our planet’s treasure and leave us high and very dry— of oil and water, that is.

But— In another related cover story, WINGNUT reveals that President Barack Obama is actually the one who has destroyed the planet.  Sure, there were a few other Democrats involved, but it’s Obama that’s to blame— because remember, he’s only half white. I’ve only glanced at the article, but it seems Obama was— get this— born on a moon in the Breitfart Cluster and deposited here by the TBAQians just in time to win the election.  And there’s more:  he’s a “socialist” thug who grew up organizing aliens to empower themselves to kill whitey.

Looks like there’s the usual batshit crazy collection of neocons, with several pics of Sharron Angle weaving through cars in parking lots fleeing local reporters.  That should end nice.

And there’s some panel of doctors who claim Beckasuarus has been “blind” for nearly two decades;  some kind of dry-drunk destruction of the “insight” lobe of the brain.  Mmwoh.

Well, don’t want to ruin the whole mag for you in case you pick up a copy.  I have to confess, I’ve been throwing the WINGNUTS away lately, because they’re just soooo freakin’ far over the top.  But I have this thing about space aliens being friendly and all, so thought I’d read about how they managed to find the least intelligent public figure on our whole fwuckin’ planet— Sarah Louise Palin.  And I’m telling you— you don’t even want to know.