Fox News Announces Beck Replacement Shows: BOPRAH!

BOPRAH!, the first Glenn Beck Sub show, features Glenn Beck in drag each week;  tears of one sort or another are guaranteed.

Just hours before his last show on Thursday, Fox News has announced that human tater-tot Glenn Beck will be replaced for the summer by a new gay talk program called, “BOPRAH!”  Critics have complained that, except for the constant laugh track, the show is a hideous rip-off of Oprah!, but Glenn Beck, speaking through a spokes-dud  said that the term “Boprah!” actually originated during a climactic encounter he had with someone in 2002, identified only as Liza Bonelli.*

The early BOPRAH! guest list is cluttered with other Fox Network has-beens, including Greg Gutfield, Dana Pherigno, Ima Judge Andrew Neapolitan, Geraldo Riviera, Andrea Tantrumos, Eric Bowling, Monica Crowless, Bob Buckle, and Kimberly Guilefull.

The program will also feature a few guests not actually on Fox’s payroll, including obscure Republicon politicians, unemployed Republicon celebrities, both Republicon sports figures, and key professional Republicon noise makers like Sarah Palin, Sharon Angel, and Joe the Plumber.

Another “cheap rip-off” accusation has been leveled at “The Drowning Fool,” as each episode sees Beck dropped into a deep pool of vile foamy liquid where he apparently drowns, only to awaken in each subsequent episode the following day— as another block of cement hardens over his little happy feet.  Groundhog Day fans will not want to soil their memories with this.

“The Drowning Fool” will fill up an hour’s worth of lost advertising revenue.  After sufficient prompting with a cattle prod, most of Beck‘s geriatric audience may still remember the 1975 Paul Newman sleeper, The Drowning Pool;  but “The Drowning Fool” stars, uh huh, Glenn Beck,— along with Monica Crowless, Geraldo Riviera, Andrea Tantrumos, Eric Bowling, Greg Gutfield, Dana Pherigno, and Really Ima Judge Andrew Neapolitan;  all of whom will take turns throwing rhetorical softballs at a target that, when struck, triggers Beck’s plunge into a turgid pool of proprietary fracking fluids.

Predictably, Fox talking heads are slobbering all over both new shows, citing a new Razzmussen poll of 2,700 supposedly sentient Fox viewers which asserts that more than 270,000 have vowed to watch the show at least “ten or twenty times.”   Asked about the rather late midnight air time, Fox News Network owner, Rupert Murdoch, was quoted as saying, “Whaaa??  Ged’im outa hiah.”

* No one knows.