The Teleprompter Terrorist

Kirlian image provides indisputable proof of President Obama’s use of the teleprompter to subjugate dickish reporters.

WASHINGTON — President Obama’s second press conference in as many months have left antagonistic reporters who are “not in love with him” with a new-found respect for, no— not him, or his ability to answer questions with deft skill— but for his awesome terrorist teleprompter.

Bob Cesca.

In politics and the media, teleprompters are about as commonplace as microphones and people named “O’Donnell.” Some use a teleprompter, some use paper, some use cue cards, some use both. Really, what difference does it make whether prepared remarks are read from paper or Perspex? Either way, we’re talking about prepared text printed on a readable medium. The teleprompter isn’t some space-age interdimensional portal that automatically injects your audience with nitrous oxide and mild doses of heroin, drugging them into an involuntary state of euphoric torpor. It simply allows the reader to deliver a speech without looking down at the podium. That’s all.

Lefty liberal blogger Bob Cesca‘s comments above are just what you might expect from any supposedly intelligent human being who remains ignorant of the real reasons Barack Obama always uses the teleprompter at news conferences, public speeches, even casual lunch conversation. But now there’s absolute proof that not only does Obama use the teleprompter to sound more intelligent than he actually is, but also to inflict the semblance of mind-numbing and eye bruising truthiness upon any reporters who act like dicks.

Take the case of dickish CNN reporter Ed Henry. Known as “Mister Ed” to his peers, Henry’s questioning of the president pressed the reporter’s notion that president Obama had taken too much time in making his outrage at the AIG bonuses public.  When Henry clumsily reiterated his question ( he wasn’t using a teleprompter), the president explained he liked  to know what he was talking about before he spoke publicly— and at that moment— beams shot from Obama’s eyes through his teleprompter, seriously bruising Mr. Ed’s eyes:

CNN’s “Mr. Ed” Henry shows the horrible bruising that resulted from his brief but dickish questioning of President Obama, who stared ominously at Mr. Ed through the teleprompter while supposedly answering the question spontaneously, his vision being amplified in some mysterious Muslimish Marxist way that inflicted severe bruising on the impertinent reporter.

Once the Glen Becks of the fringe get a hold of this information you can bet the teleprompter issue will finally get the attention the Republicans think it deserves.  Until then, remember not to look the president in the eye, even when he’s on television.