VALLEY GIRL

She’s a valley girl
And there is no cure
—Frank Zappa

FRANK LIKE, HAD A WAY of putting his greasy fingers on discrete portions of society’s festering open wound in a way that always satirized on more than one level.  Although he was not like, totally ahead of the curve with the release of “Valley Girl” on the May, 1982 album Ship Arriving Too Late to Save a Drowning Witch, the song, as is often the case with the irony impaired, was not perceived as a criticism of valspeak, but essentially helped it go viral nationwide and also impacted the global spread of the infection. And irony of ironies, next to “Dancin’ Fool,” “Valley Girl” became Zappa’s biggest hit.

The song was co-written by Frank’s then fourteen-year-old daughter, Moon Unit, who spoke the sociolect (social dialect) fluently;  it became a mass media vehicle for spreading the sociolect and introducing phrases like, Oh my God!” “Grody to the max” and, “Gag me with a spoon!” into pop culture.

It may not be possible to draw a clean line between the typical musical repetition of a phrase and the satirical social commentary behind the monotonous repetition of “Valley Girl”— but it drove home— albeit painfully— the swiss cheesy-like vapidness of the vals, that was also spelled out in lyrics like:

Last idea to cross her mind
Had something to do with where to find
A pair of jeans to fit her butt
And where to get her toenails cut

OMG! Moon Zappa did a song about us!  That’s so totally bitchin!

And so, like Beavis & Butthead, and Bart Simpson, the criticism implicit in satire was like totally over-looked, and that which was being satirized was like taken up by those who are like so totally devoid of like, discernment.  What this like means for like the long term evolution of like, culture, remains unclear; but OMG! valspeak has clearly morphed into like a global like phenomenon that is shaping the sound— if not the substance—of the emerging dialectic of the 21st century.

Like, I am so totally sure.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnVE3UTIgEM&feature=related[/youtube]

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Roy Estrada (vocals)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Moon Zappa (vocals)
Scott Thunes (bass)

Valley Girl

valley girl
Shes a valley girl
Valley girl
Shes a valley girl
Okay, fine…
Fer sure, fer sure
Shes a valley girl
In a clothing store
Okay, fine…
Fer sure, fer sure
Shes a

Like, oh my god! (valley girl)
Like – totally (valley girl)
Encino is like so bitchen (valley girl)
There’s like the galleria (valley girl)
And like all these like really great shoe stores
I love going into like clothing stores and stuff
I like buy the neatest mini-skirts and stuff
Its like so bitchen cuz like everybody’s like
Super-super nice…
Its like so bitchen…

On Ventura, there she goes
She just bought some bitchen clothes
Tosses her head n flips her hair
She got a whole bunch of nothin in there

Anyway, he goes are you into S and M?
I go, [And I was like,] oh right…
Could you like just picture me in like a leather teddy
Yeah right, hurt me, hurt me…
I’m sure! no way!
He was like freaking me out…
He called me a beastie…
That’s cuz like he was [like] totally blitzed
He goes [And he was like] like bag your face!
I’m [so] sure!

Valley girl
Shes a valley girl
Valley girl
Shes a valley girl
Okay, [like] fine…
Fer sure, fer sure
Shes a valley girl
So sweet n pure
Okay, fine…
Fer sure, fer sure
Shes a
Its really sad (valley girl)
Like my english teacher
Hes like… (valley girl)
Hes like Mr. bu-fu (valley girl)
Were talking lord God king bu-fu (valley girl)
I am so sure
He’s like so gross
He like sits there and like plays with all his rings
And he like flirts with all the guys in the class
It’s like totally disgusting
I’m like so sure
It’s like barf me out…
Gag me with a spoon!

Last idea to cross her mind
Had something to do with where to find
A pair of jeans to fit her butt
And where to get her toenails cut

So like I go into this like salon place, yknow
And I wanted like to get my toenails done
And the lady like goes, oh my god, your toenails
Are like so grody
It was like really embarrassing
Shes like oh my god, like bag those toenails
Im like sure…
She goes, uh, I don’t know if I can handle this, yknow…
I was like really embarrassed…

Valley girl
Shes a valley girl
Valley girl
Shes a valley girl
Okay, fine
Fer sure, fer sure
Shes a valley girl
And there is no cure
Okay, fine
Fer sure, fer sure
Shes a valley girl
And there is no cure

Like my mother is like a total space cadet (valley girl)
She like makes me do the dishes and (valley girl)
Clean the cat box (valley girl)
I am sure
That’s like gross (valley girl)
Barf out! (valley girl)
Oh my God (valley girl)

Hi!
Uh-huh… (valley girl)
My name?
My name is ondrya wolfson (valley girl)
Uh-huh
That’s right, ondrya (valley girl)
Uh-huh…
I know
Its like… (valley girl)
I do not talk funny…
Im sure (valley girl)
What’sa matter with the way I talk? (valley girl)
I am a val, I know (valley girl)
But I live like in a really good part of encino so it’s okay
(valley girl)
Uh-huh… (valley girl)
So like, I don’t know (valley girl)
Im like freaking out totally (valley girl)
Oh my god! (valley girl)

Hi – I have to go to the orthodon’tist (valley girl)
Im getting my braces off, yknow (valley girl)
But I have to wear a retainer
That’s going to be really like a total bummer
Im freaking out
Im sure
Its like those things that like stick in your mouth
They’re so gross…
You like get saliva all over them
But like, I don’t know, it’s going to be cool, yknow
So you can see my smile
Itll be like really cool
Except my like my teeth are like too small
But no biggie…
Its so awesome
Its like tubular, yknow
Well, Im not like really ugly or anything
Its just like
I don’t know
You know me, Im like into like the clean stuff
Like pac-man and like, I don’t know
Like my mother like makes me do the dishes
Its like so gross…
Like all the stuff like sticks to the plates
And it’s like, it’s like somebody elses food, yknow
Its like grody…
Grody to the max
Im sure
Its like really nauseating
Like barf out
Gag me with a spoon
Gross
I am sure
Totally…