Mitt Romney’s Fevered Dreams: #3

A Romney Adviser Flippantly Characterized Romney As “Shell Shocked” After His Historic Loss

Obama’s Rape Camps

Fux News continues to provide a platform for Teh Crazy

Less than three days following the GOP’s thrashing at the polls, Obama Derangement Syndrome is reaching new heights, signaling a psychotic break among reality denying Wingnuts. Of all the lame excuses for their loss, this one takes the prize— thus far.

Buzzfeed reports:

Michael Graham, a radio host appearing on Fox News today said the Obama campaign wanted to convince voters if you were a female and vote for Romney you would be put in “rape camps.”

The only thing crazier than that would be for Karl Rove to claim the reason Romney lost was because Obama suppressed the vote.

Oh, wait—

Karl Rove explained his view of why President Obama won, on Fox News, via Dylan Byers:

Rove argued that Obama won with a smaller popular vote and a smaller margin of victory than in the 2008 election against Sen. John McCain. Instead of expanding voters, Rove argued, Obama “suppressed the vote” by demonizing former Gov. Mitt Romney and encouraging people not to vote.

“President Obama has become the first president in history to win a second term with a smaller percentage of the vote than he did in the first term,” Rove said.

“But he won Karl, he won!” Fox News host Megyn Kelly interjected…

Sorry, Megyn, Karl is irretrievably trapped in his own personal Phantom Zone of self-delusion. He’s so used to demonizing his opponents and stealing elections that the shock of suddenly being thrust into the reality based community he scorned has left him with nothing but soulless projection.

Big FAIL.

But life will become a burden of existence unless you learn how to fail gracefully. There is an art in defeat which noble souls always acquire; you must know how to lose cheerfully; you must be less of disappointment. Never hesitate to admit failure. Make no attempt to hide failure under deceptive smiles and beaming optimism. It sounds well always to claim success, but the end results are appalling. Such a technique leads directly to the creation of a world of unreality and to the inevitable crash of ultimate disillusionment.

—The Urantia Book

Bloomborg Bidnesswuss

I’m not sayin’ the folks at Bloomberg Businessweek are a bunch of wusses— well, yes I am.
(If you want to see de Jesus, you must click it.)

Bloomborg Businessweek has been pushing their creative constraints lately, notably last week with their “It’s Global Warming, Stupid” cover, and again this week with their “Old Obama“ cover, here.

But if they were really free of their mainstream constraints, like for instance the fictional-centered, cyber publication Bloomborg Bidnesswuss is, they could crawl out on a creative limb and bust it up a tatt or two.

Whatever Barack Obama does in the next four years, whether it’s dying his hair orange, fixing the economy, gettin’ a couple neck tatts, or discovering another source of material energy— wouldn’t that be awesome?— we Americans are going to have to participate.

Now is a time for renewed optimism, but only if we put our optimism to work— on solving a whole slew of problems the past few generations have left in the wake of their, um, reckless abandon. Can we do this thing? Come on. Think it with me:

Yes We Can.

Mechanical inventions and the dissemination of knowledge are modifying civilization; certain economic adjustments and social changes are imperative if cultural disaster is to be avoided. This new and oncoming social order will not settle down complacently for a millennium.¹ The human race must become reconciled to a procession of changes, adjustments, and readjustments. Mankind is on the march toward a new and unrevealed planetary destiny.
—The Urantia Book

¹ That’s right— a “millennium” is a thousand years.

OH THANK GOD.

Michele Bachmann will still be flitting around Washington hot air space another 24 months, excreting her special kind of crazy like there’s no tomorrow.

Karl Rove’s Math Problems (Update,2)

May the pork be with you: Stephen Colbert’presents Karl Rove with an honorific bust

Of all the satisfying results from last night’s amazing election, I count Rethug Svengali Karl Rove’s humiliation as one of the best.

A little background first. In the run-up to the 2006 mid-term elections, Rove said this to NPR about the pre-election polls, which showed the Rethugs losing:

“You may end up with a different math, but you’re entitled to your math. I’m entitled to the math…[which adds] up to a Republican Senate and a Republican House.“

History proved him wrong, of course, with the Dems taking control of both the Senate and the House that year.

In search of schadenfreude, after hearing CNN and MSNBC call the election for Obama, I tuned into Fux News to check out their reaction. Lo and behold there was Karl, making a fool of himself once again. He was strongly objecting to the network’s confirmation of Obama’s victory, causing Megyn Kelly to leave her anchor chair and rush down stairs to check with Michael Barone and the rest of Fux’s number crunchers (barely getting back into her chair after the commercial break ended).

The LA Times reports:

All the networks, CNN, the Associated Press and Fox News had called the presidential race for President Obama. But one man with a big megaphone thought it was all too premature.

Fox News analyst Karl Rove threw up a spirited rebuttal argument Tuesday night as the conservative cable channel said that Republican Mitt Romney’s bid for president had failed.

Fox then proceeded with the unusual spectacle of bringing its chief data analyst on camera to discuss with Rove why the outlet said Ohio, and thus the presidency, would remain in Democratic hands…

Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly joked that there would be a “cage match” between Rove and the head of Fox’s election analysis team. But the Fox analysts explained that their call was simply about the numbers.

One can only hope that Rove offered his donors, anonymous and otherwise, a money-back guarantee on the $300 million plus bucks they gave him to defeat Obama and to take back the Senate.

Say g’night, Karl.

UPDATE 2 (11/8 9:50am) Jon Stewart’‘s take on Rove’s math in which he suggests a new motto for Fux News: ‘Math You Do As A Republican To Make Yourself Feel Better.’

The Daily Show
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UPDATE (11/7 4:22 PM) The Atlantic has a collection of clips from Fux News documenting the Rove instigated network meltdown.

It should be noted that Fux is employing as an “analyst”the prime operative of the GOP, who also happens to be its largest fund raiser. Not like he doesn’t have skin in the game.

Maybe the reason why Karl was so upset is that calling the election for Obama interfered with a contingency plan to steal the Ohio vote at the last minute. Recall that vote totals and projections from a number of states were still outstanding, and that it was Ohio that put Obama over the top.

Would anybody believe that stealing an election is alien to Rove’s modus operandi?