Oh Yeah? Hug This.

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say, “Things are going to be okay. Here’s a coffee. And five million dollars.”

THE FOX NEWS DEBATE DEBACLE

The sound check at the Losers Kid’s table got rowdy; a lot of bird flipping, and considerable abuse of little Ricky Santorum.

Eugene Langurson Announces Bid For Presidency

Not intimidated by an already crowded field and hugely daunting odds, Eugene “Bob” Langurson  announced Monday, at the Primate Pavilion at the San Diego Zoo, that he will run for the Republican nomination in the 2020 presidential election.

Three Things To Remember About JEBOOsh

Fool Me Bush

If you really want to feel the BOOsh, you must click it.

 

It’s pretty simple, really; if you don’t remember how the pit of your stomach felt when George H W. Bush, and George W. Bush won their respective nominations and subsequent elections, then maybe you haven’t actually discovered the “pit” in your stomach. It’s an ill-defined region of the lower abdomen, regarded as the visceral repository of strong feelings, especially anxiety.

I know I have one, because whenever I see a political poll showing Jeb Bush leading that ever-proliferating pack of Republican tools, it immediately regurgitates a loop of his little brother, struggling to get through that simple aphorism, and I get the queasies bad.

I realize the head of Trump Entertainment Resorts will continue to blow up the Republican primary process until we are all nauseated. But eventually, one of those clowns will manage to wade through their political slime-fest and onto the convention floor, to accept the nomination.

Although it seems like that event is a long way off, already there have been one or two nanoseconds when the pit of my stomach reminds me— it could happen again— and sends my imagination spinning wild into a future where stupefying things happen: another Bush is handed the presidency by the Supreme Court; more young Americans dying in four, maybe eight more years of senseless oil wars; all manner of social and cultural backwardness, including the complete destruction of the “middle” class; and the depths of political despair. By God. We can’t let that happen. We can’t get fooled again.

BLOWFISH: TRUMP EDITION

In the BLOWFISH interview, Donald Trump didn’t cover any new ground, just the usual scorched earth bravado of recent weeks liberally peppered with the phrase, “I’m tremendously wealthy.”

GOLF IS JUST FOR RICH DOUCHEBAGS LIKE ME.

Donald Trump Luvs Him Some ImmigrantsLemme tell yooz something okay— you see those Mexican guys behind me, the non-rapist, non-criminal type Mexicans, playin’ there in my tremendous yard?  I have assured the non-rapist and noncriminal Mexicans, the good ones, I assume, that I love them and their country, and their smart leaders who are smarter than our leaders!
Look, I am tremendously wealthy, treee-mennn-dously wealthy— and trust me, I can afford to love everyone of them if I wanted to, but let me say this: instead, they are sending us their criminals, their rapists, their murderers, their tacos, their tortillas, and you know, many many other types of their food I don’t care to pronounce.  There could be anywhere from 11 million to 34 million, nobody knows;  nobody knows.  And you know I’m right, they know I’m right, everybody knows I’m right, including the LGPA, the PGA, the USGA, the LMOP, the QRST, everybody! 

“In response to Mr. Trump’s comments about the golf industry ‘knowing he is right’ in regards to his recent statements about Mexican immigrants, we feel compelled to clarify that those remarks do not reflect the views of our organizations. While the LPGA, PGA of America, PGA Tour and USGA don’t usually comment on Presidential politics, Mr. Trump’s comments are inconsistent with our strong commitment to an inclusive and welcoming environment in the game of golf, to anyone who can afford it.” —LPGA