McCain’s Note In The Wall

God how the dead men
Grin by the wall.
Watching the fun
Of the Victory Ball.

—Alfred Noyes

John, and Cindy McCain (who was not actually there but sent a clone), looking appropriately Hasidic at the Western Wall

Michael D. Shear, WaPo wrote:
JERUSALEM — What was supposed to be a somber visit by Sen. John McCain to the Western Wall this morning was marred by an unruly mob of Israeli photographers, police and tourists who threw punches at each other as they engulfed the Republican presidential candidate.

McCain was not hurt, but appeared rattled by the spasm of violence as he began a second day of meetings with high-level Israeli officials as part of a congressional trip to the Middle East and Europe.

The crush of people surrounded McCain (Ariz.) after he and Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.) and Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-S.C.) briefly touched the towering wall at the base of the Temple Mount, where the Second Temple stood until its destruction nearly two thousand years ago. The senators placed notes in the cracks between the ancient stones, a common tradition. McCain declined through a spokesman to reveal what his note said.

Of course we’re not going to tell you how we obtained the verbatim text of that note; suffice it to say that many Jews still consider the placing of such “prayers” to be desecration of the holy pure and simple.  Sen. McCain produced the note from his left suit coat pocket, and with a series of awkward looking jabs, he finally forced the note into a tiny crevice of the ancient wall.

Surprisingly, the note was not penned in McCain’s jerky scrawl, but appeared to be a first draft, printed off the computer with many instances of strikethrough, in crisp, bold 24 point justified type.
The note:

My Dear Western Wall Friends    Friend,

As you know, I’m the Republican nominee for president of the United States, and unlike my opponents Hillary Clinton, a woman, or Barack Hussein Obama, a black man, I’m ready from day one to lead the fight for what ever, for ever.  But today I need your help, dear friend. (I feel like I’m talking to a wall , ha ha!) Some of my good Jewish friends say you are more than just a frakin’ stone wall venerated by a superstitious people. If this is so, I’d like you to know— not just how important it is to me that I’m the next president— but also the staggeringly huge sum of money I need to win continue the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and, most importantly, to wage new wars against Syria and Iran, and probably North Korea.

Oh, remember that great song, ” ‘Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb’ Iran!?”  Well it isn’t just a great song my friend, it’s my ticket to another historic war presidency! (Nothing changes an enemy’s behavior like bombs my friend, and lots of them;  remember I’ve personally dropped my share of bombs on evil men women and children, and I’m thinking you’re the kind of Wall that would want to support my willingness to continue this important attack against the ever-present threats to our national security.)

So my friend, I’m going to need to recruit some seriously enormous amounts of healthy young cannon fodder in order to wage more wars in the global fight against terrorism, in order to keep my country safe from the many, many enemies who hate our freedom, the radical Islamist extremist terrorists, the Iranians, the North Koreans, the Syrians, and our future enemies, the Chinese commies, the Russian commies, and, well, you know, anybody that won’t see things our way.

If you could grant me this grotesque amount of blood and political capital my friend, I will ensure that the war against a world full of terrorists is fought intelligently, with endless taxpayer support patience and resolve, using all the toxic instruments of national power and death I can get my hands on. And I will lead this fight with the understanding that to impinge more than we already have on the rights of our own citizens, or to further restrict the freedoms for which our nation stands will be done only as necessary, because to do so is to give terrorists the victory they seek.

In closing my prayer, let me say that John McCain believes that just as America must be prepared to meet and prevail against any adversary on every field of battle, we must also engage and prevail against them on the battleground of ideas. So if you have any great ideas, please pass them along to my advisers. In so doing, we can and will deprive terrorists of the converts they seek to teach the doctrine of hatred and despair.

Shalom and Happy Channakah, [sic]

John McCain