We Are Not Alone

Mercury astronaut Gordon Cooper claims to have had documented alien company when he was up in space, and despite the fact that Earth Day was last week, Apollo 14 astronaut Edgar Mitchell feels that the real action is elsewhere. He grew up in Roswell, New Mexico, and claims to have been told things as a boy by people who witnessed perhaps the most famous UFO event of our time. “Our destiny,” Mitchell says, “in my opinion, and we might as well get started with it, is [to] become a part of the planetary community. … We should be ready to reach out beyond our planet and beyond our solar system to find out what is really going on out there.”

They’re Here To Fux You Up

Maybe Rush Limpbot will buy an island somewhere,
and you can all immigrate there, take a loyalty oath,
and form yourselves a little wingnut paradise.

Brain Dead On Arrival

Well, shit. Eric.
You need to be voted out of Congress. You need to be sent to a suburb in one of those American cities across this country, and you need to be unemployed, with no prospects, with no health insurance, and worrying how the fuck you’re going to pay for a visit to the doctor’s office when you and yours catch the Swine Flu.

Our National Nutsack

Isn’t revisiting the abuses of the last eight years, no matter how bad they were, a luxury we can’t afford?
No, it isn’t, because America is more than a collection of policies. We are, or at least we used to be, a nation of moral ideals. In the past, our government has sometimes done an imperfect job of upholding those ideals. But never before have our leaders so utterly betrayed everything our nation stands for. “This government does not torture people,” declared former President Bush, but it did, and all the world knows it.

Life On The World Of The Cross

The soft light of the instrument panel shone off the large eyes of navigator Dorac. He placed the ship into low orbit, approximately over Washington, DC. Pilot Nandon, pressed a series of actions into the ship. The first was her announcement to the entire host: My friends, we are orbiting the World of the Cross; the tarnished shrine of our beloved Creator Son whom the natives put to death. We are now over the capital city of the federation of states known as the United States of America.

The Worst Type of Coward

Beatings, partial drownings, slamming detainees against walls, punching, kicking, poisonous stinging insects, forced nudity, sleep deprivation, profound disruption of sensory input, exposure to extreme cold and heat, all of it was so very necessary in prying loose information the psychopathic former vice president claims would have been used to keep us snug and secure at night when we climb into our cozy beds, and he slides back into his box of sacred dirt. . .

Their Days Of Freedom Are Numbered

Right now, Dick and George may still be enjoying their fun in the sun, barbecuing kittehs; but those days are numbered. The chances they’ll be arrested and charged with war crimes are growing stronger every day. . . Because people are starting to understand the things they said. . . [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YwYaNkjkEc&NR=1[/youtube] “Let’s roll,” indeed.