Oh Yeah? Hug This. -

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say, “Things are going to be okay.
Here’s a coffee. And five million dollars.”

SURVEY SAYS: “A really good hug!”

The nurturing touch of a hug builds trust equity and a sense of safety. This helps with open and honest communication, and the flow of federal tax dollars to your personal treasury.

Hugs can instantly boost oxytocin levels. Which heal feelings of loneliness, isolation, anger, excessive weight gain, and threats of indictment from bridge traffic jams.

Holding a hug for a socially unacceptable length of time may lift one’s serotonin levels, elevate mood, start tongues wagging, and create photo opportunities out the ying-yang.

Hugs strengthen the immune system. The gentle pressure on the sternum and the emotional charge this creates activates the solar savings chakra, stimulates the payus gland, which can regulate and balance the body’s flow of white blood cells as well as cold hard superpac cash.

Hugging elevates self-esteem, right up to, and including, crippling narcissism. From the time we’re born, the family’s touch— depending on how forceful it might be— shows us that we’re loved and “special.” The cuddling and cudgelling we received from Mom and Dad while growing up become imbedded at a cellular level, usually in fat cells, and hugs remind us it’s too late to do anything about it.

Hugging relaxes muscles by releasing tension and taking away pain by increasing circulation of dark money into the soft underbelly tissues.

Hugs can balance out the nervous system and your checkbook. The galvanic skin response of someone receiving a check and giving a hug shows a change in skin conductance, and your bottom line. The effect in moisture, electricity, and cash on the skin and in your wallet suggests a more balanced state in the nervous fiscal system — parasitism.

The energy/cash exchange between the people hugging is an investment in the relationship. It encourages empathy and entitlement. And, it’s sin-ergistic— which means if one of you goes down, you can bet the other one will too.

So. Hugs. They’re what’s for breakfast, lunch, and dinner in pay-off politics, and obviously— the weapon to reach for when things get really ugly on the world stage.