Talkin’ Trash

WASHINGTON D.C. — A puffy but erect Lindsey Graham appeared at the Washington DC GOP Headquarters, Sunday, with the obviously deceased, desiccated, and decaying Arizona Senator John McCain, where the duo attacked President Obama for not doing enough to lead the free world.  Clearly frustrated, Graham said the president had been “timid and passive” more than he would like, and that the president was “. . .S’pose teh lead the free world, not foller it.”  When asked what specifically he wanted the president to do, Graham stared at the woodwork briefly, and stroking his tie, said President Obama should just be more “aggressive” and, “hands on.”

McCain, unofficially deceased since election day in ’08, was held upright by the ever-solicitous Graham, but appeared to have difficulty collecting any thoughts worth speaking, but eventually said the “prezzdent” could be “stronger,” and then, obviously amused with himself, mumbled, “Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb bomb Iran,” to the cadence of the Beach Boys‘ song, “Barbara Ann.”

The news conference was cut short when the wind shifted, wafting the virulent stench of nearly four decades worth of Republican trash talk, which litters the entire headquarters grounds and averages over forty-seven feet deep in most places.  The Republicons, long oblivious to the ghastly sight and horrendous odor, actually take great pride in the fact that all their trash talk is kept on-premises and is unashamedly, relentlessly, religiously continually recycled.