ST. LOUIS — The phrase “To Hell and back” took on new meaning for corpulent radio gasbag, Rush Limbaugh Friday, who had returned from a lavish junket to his future accommodations in Hades. Limbaugh, his clothing and person still reeking of pungent hellish sulfur, explained the trip was part of a contractual agreement with the fallen Sovereign of the Local Universe, Lucifer.
Limbaugh provided the press with photos he said were taken in the resort community of High Water, said to be a suburban area occupying prime lakefront property on the central Lake of Fire in Hell. The unusual visit follows closely on the heels of Limbaugh’s most recent outrageous bullshit attribution, which lays the nation’s economic collapse at the feet of president-elect Barack Obama by labeling it “The Obama Recession.”
Waving an enormous phallus shaped as a cigar, Limbaugh guffawed to reporters, “Why do you think I get to wear the “big hat,” stiffly gesturing to the creepy giant chicken wings protruding from the huge chromed top-nut on his head.
“I am extremely proud to be able to use the gas God gave me as unmitigated gall to fashion reality the way I choose,” said Limbaugh. “After all, that’s what caught the eye of Lucifer in the first place.”
When asked why he was so at ease working with the devil— even publicly announcing a contract with the devil— a prospect most Christians would say is a clear-cut indication you’ve sold your soul— Limbaugh took a deep wheezy breath and, exhaling a putrid visible mist, chortled, “Lucifer is not who you college boys think he is. When you hear his side of the story, as I have, you fully understand what a raw deal he got at the hands of the universe. But I don’t have time to school you right now, boys, I have more important gas to spread.”
The impromptu press conference was actually cut short in spectacular fashion when the Grand Pusbot‘s luggage spontaneously burst into flames on the tarmac. Although the fire was quickly extinguished by alert ground crews, Limbaugh, visibly unshaken, was whisked off in the most grotesquely enormous limousine any of us had ever seen.
Limbaugh‘s just released press package explains that his new title, “Grand Pusbot” is an honorific he says was personally created by Lucifer for Limbaugh, to recognize his unprecedented achievements with low information voters, whom Lucifer referred to as “Teh Stoopid.” Numbering from 15 to 20 million ‘Murcans, Teh Stoopid form the bulwark of his listeners, and are commonly recognized as the largest single stumbling block to an educated electorate.
LOl, you said it well. The ignorant comic had the unmitigaged gall to call it Obama’s recession. I just love the way some folks rewrite history to absolve their party of any causative factor. Neat trick. I don’t think it will fly however. Limbaugh continues to appeal to the chimpanzee element in the electorate. I suspect many voted for obama by sheer err, not being able to read all that well in the first place.