A smiling Barack Obama shows off his choice for veep to a captivated Chicago crowd, Friday.
CHICAGO— In a stunning and solemn signal to Republicans and more importantly rogue nations around the globe, Barack Obama announced his choice for the vice-presidential slot on the Democratic ticket early today. GORT, spelled with all caps, stands for “Galactic Order Robot Tool,” and is only one iteration of an entire race of “robot enforcers” with absolute power to deal with any outbreak of violence within their sphere of influence.
A Clinton campaign spokesperson immediately denounced the Obama selection, saying the only reason GORT had obtained the number two slot was because he was a “Robot, a robot with absolute power. If he were a white man, or a black man, be would not be in that position. People are just taken with the idea of a robot with absolute power.” At that point, the spokesperson turned and ran.
Yes We Can! Yes We Can! Yes We Can! Yes We Can! Yes We Can!
GORT, who does not speak as we humans would understand, stood stoically silent during the entire event, while Senator Obama explained, “He may be my silent partner, but I can assure you, in an Obama administration, his actions will speak many times louder than his words ever would anyway.”
While obviously keeping the mood upbeat and cordial, Obama’s remarks did appear to warn the leaders of all nations and the people of earth that they can either abandon warfare outright and completely, and join our nation in a vibrant and prosperous future of international and intergalactic peace — or “. . .be destroyed.” As that sobering reality sunk in, he concluded with, “The decision rests with you. Can you do it?”
“Yes we can!!” was, as always, the thunderous reply.
Late breaking news from Camp Clintonista.
Senior Clinton media director, Harold Wolfson, responded to the announcement of Senator’s Obama’s naming of the robot enforcer Gort as his vice-president.
“Just what we need. Another foreign potentate,” he sneered.
Asked to explain, Son of Wolf replied:
“He’s an agent of the Ancients of Days, those infernal meddlers, always interfering in the affairs of the local systems and universes. Tyrants and usurpers, all!
Pressed for more details, he continued.
“Believe me, none of these so-called ‘Agents of Hope’ could do aught to interfere with the operation of complete home rule if we only have the courage to assert ourselves and boldly claim our rights!”
“I for one do not believe that imitating a 1951 movie plot is the way to win a Democratic primary election for president.”
“Ready on day one!” he exclaimed, struggling to keep his left arm down with his right in a bad imitation of Peter Seller’s Dr. Strangelove.